after so long i am back .... hmmm wun be using the previous fb account... i am just wondering why do ppl cherish u at first but then forget about you when they dun need you ? i really dun understand i remember we have good memories with a lot of things in the life but in the end why it ended like tat ? 

do u know how i feel when u say u can only sms me when got emergency thing and not other things ?

i dunno what is going on maybe is because ur fren bah  .... i still wondering who is the girl who answer my call that day ... it sounded like one of ur fren and i dunno what you say to them but i can tell that they know ... since that time when i sit down they say wah u two fated la .... do u know how i feel? what you gave is only a smile but that does not show anything cause u are giving me a fake smile?

brothers? you sure? do u really care about people feeling or just use them when u needed and be selfish at times? sms u for help were u there? i really wanted to ask how many time have you helped me ? 

i think the time that i helped u before is more than u help me .

u call me to forget about brother relation and just be fren ... do u think is really easy? all the things have been done althought is a past but is a part and parcel of my puzzle ... u really understand me ? for once i thought that you have changed but haix/.... u still nv put in effort to be a brother i can see la ... to you this may be nth is just losing a person but to me it means alot .... if feeling are so easily forgotten then that means u are treating this person like a shit and then you are just playing feeling with him/her.... haix i did so much to get you back as a bro but what did i do? did i always did something wrong? and you are not wrong? at first it was saying that you wanted to be brother.. and you always think that i am a person controlling u i think up till now also ...do u even spare a thought for me as a fren or a brother ...u really understand how i feel? when i tell u all those things do u think i really wanted to say do u know how upset i am feeling deep inside? it jsut like a cut in my meat cause everyone that i treated is with love care and respect ... to me if you are my brother i will treat you like a real one ... but if i illtreated u tell me ... i dun have a dictionary to be a good brother what ? haix all in all i thought this will not happen again but it does .... remember you tell me that time kor, i will not be like them de la ... but in the end still happen .... do u really forget how i treated u and helped u this 8 months ? do u really dun remember? because of some small things then you wan to disown me this bro? i really dunno .... acceptance and forgiven .. if ur charactor is luike tat i will accept cause when you accept then thats where you will forgive but then i dunno u just treat me like a useless person and just playing with me do u know ? I AM HURT ALREADY ....  I took the break because i know when you see me u will not be happy and then i jolly well make myself scarce from you so that you will live happier... When you are happier do u know how sad i am ? i am trying to push to myself all the blame and you are there just dun care about how i feel... and do u know when you talk to me you are very rude? haix i think u also dunno bah ... you told me u dare to speak up but then this is really not the person that i trained or motivate out ... if your attitutde is like that i really dunno how liao le ... i just know that during this few months ,, i really think that you are a great bro until recently i also think that you are a great bro but i dunno what i do that make you so dun wan to talk to me ... is like i just sat beside you only but then you nv come talk to me and haix i also dun wan to talk cause i really dun like your fren comment .... haix i just hope this two weeks will be better after wards haix... few times of nightmares this few days i am mentally tired and physically tired liao le ....u really forget how much i been thru to celebrate ur bd? when i say out all those stuff to me i think you only think of urself , do u even care for my feelings? i cared for urs , but do u care mine? 
haix maybe i am just a person who you just despise ba... i really miss all those days that we are good really :(

Apology

hmmm sometime i really dun wish to stress you up ya ... but then hmmm maybe is because is my fault bah... hmmm although u forgive me , i really regret why i does all the things to u like that , haix maybe like that it make me unable to forgive myself , although u forgive me already but i still dun feel too well cause i am being a bit not like myself but if you happy i am okay already lo ... it is best to have one side to be sad rather than both side to sad right? hmmmm you have to really believe me that i really dun wan to lose you this bro one ... hmmm maybe my way of doing is wrong bah... but then i am really sorry that i bring this unhappiness to you and i hope that you will be happy from now on ... hmmm just let me relax a while bah ... cause is very difficult to be someone which is not you ... and I REALLY HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU ... HAIX.. i always hope that you will say out some thing ya dun keep everything to yourself ... i really envy that you have like can like treat it as nth happen but the more you treat things as nth happen the more i am worried ,,, haizz nvm bah :) all in all i dunno whether u will see anot but i wan to apologize to you all the bad things i have done for u ... hmmm u may not like me to call u didi but then i still have to say sorry didi ...
hmmm hope that we can still be like once good ...
you to me will always be my good dii that i ever had ... and no matter what happens i will be there as a brother to support you all the way one ... i on bus have some vision about the past ... hmmm thinking thru of my past till now i really very very pain and very painful... but haix i think no one can understand bah;.... i dunno whether u will see it but really i am having a lot of pain while smiling but i dun dare to tell u ... and then i also dunno i feel very unconfortable not calling you didi but haix .... how i wish we can like go out eat or wat .... i really wanted to...:(

lyric for when you put ur heart in it :)

We knew it was one in a million
It was such a long shot
Somehow we’ve got here together
And who knows what will happen
Anything can happen
If we keep getting better
And we keep on believing.

When you put your heart in it
It can take you anywhere
Who’s to say that we can’t make it
It’s the same dream that we share
When you put your heart in it
It can take you anywhere.

This road was so long and winding
It was such a hard road
But we can’t stop once we had started
We were always getting closer
Suddenly it happens
A chance in a lifetime
Now we’re gonna take it
We can make it.

When you put your heart in it …

day 4 for hougean leadership council year end camp

wootz .... goood good good , 4 days have pass and i saw a great improvement of my team " Bling" hmmmm for this 4 days i saw from students with no goals and vision to students with goals and vision and working towards it very very hard ... hmmm although have a lot of obstacles but you guys manage to do it , hmmm from the way you guys speaks and work after the 3 training i am very happy to have you guys as my team and i am proud to be ur facilitator ...you guys done me proud and i congrats to you guys to win the best team award ... haha welldone bling you guys are my first batch of facilitator team and i really learn a lot from you and i hope tat we can keep contact and improve on what we are now and if you guys got problems hmmm can come find me but is best to keep this in mind which is what ever you planned you got to be happy and spread the happiness to other campers :)

day 3 for hougean leadership year end camp

Morning we have some hall game and my team bling won  one round but haha even with  lesser and lesser teammates  but they stilll managed to do it . well done team :) hmmm then we went to play the game of sha and fan sha at ava room haha ... had fun with everyone haha... is ouch ouch ouch .... pain sia hahaha a lot of epic scenes all out :) ... after that the team was left with time to prepare for their night performance haha .... hmmm my team went all out to take photo with different camp comm and people hahah.... hmmm i didn't know what they did but nvm lets move on to little india . haha my team was the last one to leave and then we came back 3rd haha ..some how my team learn quite a fair bit about awareness and one thing is that they are thinking which is good :) well done team :) ... hmmm then after amazing race we have a debrief and then it turns out good and then after the debrief they have the find the weiqing game haha .... hmmmm everyone was like so engross in finding weiqing haha ... all ask me :P .... hmmmm then performance then i saw this tribut video made by my team haha thanks alot team i appreciate alot ... hmmm some how we after that have our tradition for hlc montage and then our haha tradition bought everyone crying together ...
hmmmm after that we have haha disco night and then movie night i went to sleep after that :)

day 2 for hougean leadership year end camp

hmmm day 2 we woke up a bit late cause day 1 we are doing the night walk for the next day :)
morning pt is led by wei qing haha ... and the campers are having fun doing pt haha .... then we have the absorbent mind to teach us some public speaking techniques :) haha ...  my team was with weichun :) we played some ice breaking game like the vegetable game without showing the teeth that one :) hehex in the end we all were happily playing there haha !!! ... oh ya back to the public speaking , all my team all i have to say is well done although i comment a lot :) is to allow u guys to be able to receive feedback :) hehex ... but most of the things that i tell u guys , is good to hear you guys say "Thank You" ... then is my turn to go up haha ... then i go out of point ahah then in the end i have to do 10 squats :P haha okay la ... my leg very very pain liao haha ... after the workshop we have lunch and then after that we continue our after noon wet game , one is to pull the person out that game and call them to play as a team and then haha with spraying of water too ...
then the committee played too but haha we failed but is okay is the fun that we have ... hahah after that went to the ava room to have weiqing's talk :) then haha we played the night adventure :) haha what i learn is simple decoration will be enough to play with the campers :) hehex ...hmmm after that have a debrief then went to bed after our debrief :)

day 1 for hougean leadership year end camp

hmmmm day 1 , hmmm woke up at about 6.15 like that cause the air con really very cold then write some paper about our name and then haha it was kept back end for some time ... hmmm first day we meet up with the campers :) overall okay okay haha ... campers when they come they were brief by shi ying about the camp rules all these :) hmmm morning we have ice breaking games such as ouch and umimiu haha ... after that we have some time for us to make the flags and my team did some team norm for themselve to follow :) haha My team is "bLING" ... hehex hmmm overall bling this name was thought by my team ... haha ... after the team forming part we did some memorizing game after that we had debrief where i share with them about my experience during my bft training and haha is good that most of them are actually thinking of what i was telling them about :) ...then after that break .... after break there was some blow wind blow started by wei qing haha ... it was haha very blowy haha:P after the game , richginia start the lecture and then teaches the campers alot of things:) such as the most important word and then the least important words , the leadership 5 models also :)
it was well done ... after that we played this games call my mum like ----- but she hates ----- that game haha ... me and shermin is like omg ! hahah we used up all the examples already haha ....
but haha is was well done and i think anthony got it :)
oh ya next we have our dinner and our first night cycle game :)
we have a few  station and i saw improvement on my team :) and then my team also say that they wanted to finish the game even though they are like rank the last ... that is where i think i spoke to some of them in the team and then share with them my experience :)
hmmm after the night cycle game it was over for day 1 :) haha weee~~~
next to day 2 :)

day 0 for hougean leadership council camp

hmmmm day 0 i went back home with cab and then rush to the hougang secondary to move up to the ava room to sleep there and then before sleeping is that we are brief by OUR camp CHEIF  ahaha then after that went to bed ... and wake up at about 6 plus or 5 plus because of the coldness of the aircon... haha we all said that it is like an igloo !!!!!thats all for day 0

day 3 of basic facilitator training

hahah is day 3 liao le hahah a bit of feeling reluctant cause i long time do not have this type of feeling after kota tinggi training . hmmm hahah morning we did some pt again in a fun way again  haha ... wenjie was epic hahah and edwin also hahaha..... we played a game and we have been improving for that game during different round ... then after that we have a lecture about the zones of our self ... after lunch we are preparing to go up to the high obstacles and haha i actually ponders alot whether to go up anot but in the end i still go up cause i really wanted my goal ... in the end i finished it (process haha cannot share for now )

at the end of the day we break camp at about 8 plus 9

thanks to all the bft 19 people which makes my training fruitful and know that there is a group of ppl will support me when i fall
i learn alot from weiqing too and julia and eeveryone :) 

day 2 for faciliator training

haha the second day of training we learnt a lot of debriefing techniques haha ... and different ways to trigger people thinkings , it is good to trigger people thinking as this will make them know what they want to do and what is their goals and vision ... also on the second day i broke down as i can tell that i am really not focused on the training... and tony knew it .... i kept some things with me already but is okay i broke down and i carry on ... then at night there is a small gathering session where i see all the bft 19 people making buffet everyone working towards as 1 which is like a real big family ... everyone care and concern for each other and i remember haha i like to play with the chicken wings haha .... also we also played some ice breaking games and haha didn't know that there is different ways to play ice breaking games .... also played some games called ouch and fan sha hahaha omg thats the fun thing is that all the people have red hand palm colour on their leg hahahah!!!!!
then hahah day 2 is down :P

Day 1 for basic faciliator training

hey all hahah friday i remember hahah i packed my bag and go to kallang meet julia then meet wenjie and eng kong :) hmmmm then straight down to the absorbent mind ... put our bags and then filled up the form hahah i remember got one question that make us stuck haha the strength weakness and etc .. haha ... then we played some games which is cool stuff ... really !!!! hahaha then off to eat prata with all the bft 19 group !!! :) it was awesome hahah ...

Introduction

hi i am derrick :) haha will post up more things here so do take note :) tmr i will put what have happen on the awesome 7 days of camp :)